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 After watching horror film remake Piranha in glorious Double-D, sorry, 3D, my first instinct was not to avoid the water, but to go straight home and put on a really, really supportive bra.

Seriously, there is more full-frontal female nudity and general bouncy lady parts being jiggled about in this film than I ever noticed in five years of boarding school. And no, no film of those long-ago days exists.

Ah-ha, you say. Be fair, Ranting Journo Girl.

There is also one shot of a gentleman's downstairs rude area to keep the ladies interested in this cinematic extravaganza isn't there?

To which I say yes, but it's not quite the same, as the gentleman's dangly bit is actually not still attached to Jerry O'Connell, it's been chomped off and is floating harmlessly through the water; most disconcerting in 3D. So not a lot for the ladies, really. 

So, let's start by saying this film is not intellectual fare. Then again, who would bother putting Hamlet on in 3D? Come on!

There are prehistoric piranhas who escape from a secret underground lake after an earth tremor and who wreak havoc on a whole load of nubile teens, who just happen to be out on the lake for Spring Break!

There's a minimum of plot (teen hired to work on boat of nasty porn film-maker has to save the day, and his girl, from nasty fishies, with the help of his mom, who is of course the local sheriff)

Dialogue included gems like "There are thousands of them -and they're PISSED" and "You made me miss the flying ta-tas, Luke" (don't ask)

But to compensate, and if you like that kind of thing, you do get a maximum of boobies, bottoms, naked girl-on-girl underwater frolicking and plenty of close-up eviscerations of perky young teens by horror fish with teeth like steak knives in a variety of inventive and massively gory ways.

I think I would have spent a good half an hour of this movie just going "Real..fake...real...real...fake..OH REALLY FAKE.."

For those who enjoy in-jokes there is Ricky Dreyfuss from Jaws in the first scene (sadly he doesn't make it past the opening credits this time round), and Christopher Lloyd as a mad aquarium owner.

So, not a lot for the lady viewer in terms of eye candy but this certainly delivers on the gore front, and best of all it doesn't take itself too seriously.

You have got to love a film where someone's final words, delivered through a mouthful of blood, are "Wet .. T-shirt...competition..."

Gold!

Greetings, fellow ranters and thanks to the literally several of you who have asked me to keep posting on Bigblog as well as Facebook "because we can't be arsed looking for it anywhere else."That's the sort of popular acclaim and peer support which had Sylvia Plath reaching for the wood-look knife block..

For those of you who are better able to negotiate that internet thingy where you have friends and such-like, you will also find the blog there from next week. You can either become a Facebook friend of Ranting Journo Girl or look for the Ranting Journo Girl World Domination blog page.

The added benefit of going to the blog is that unlike Telstra, who seem completely unable to fix their stupid Bigblog network, Facebook actually allows you to upload pics etc. Take that, faceless telecommunications network! You would be the first in the shark pool if only I hadn't emptied it out for spring cleaning this weekend.

(Hint, stay away from your local swimming pool in the interim....just saying.... la la la la, cue cello)

Anyway, I will ben off to see the remake of Piranha over the weekend and will let you know how it goes. Undiscovered prehistoric killing machines unleashed at Spring Break IN 3D - WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?!

Stay evil and rant you very soon...

Greetings, fellow ranters. I am going to be packing up the secret volcano lair and moving over to Facebook later this week.

The evil folk at Telstra seem unable to help me fix the bugs in this account which is basically not allowing me to post any pics.

Which is a shame, because I have some doozies to show you from my recent Evil Trip Abroad which will have you laughing your evil heads off.

Will come back here later this week to give you the new address - please come visit!

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Greetings fellow ranters. I have returned from my evil holidays and as soon as I have unpacked the boiler suits and fed the sharks I shall be back here and sharing the pearls of wisdom you have come to expect. Not that you get, necessarily, but that you have nevertheless come to expect....

Greetings, fellow ranters!

Just a quick public service announcement.

For those of you ruling countries and sundry principalities without nuclear weaponry, you will no doubt be relieved to know that Ranting Perth Journo Girl has packed away the knuckle-dusters for a couple of weeks and is leaving the Secret Volcano Lair for an undisclosed evil holiday destination.

In the meantime, do stay evil! X